Cigarette Bum

Hazah! Another User Bum. Sent in from my good buddy Jesus (not...

calimesajoe — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:45:12 -0800

Hazah! Another User Bum. Sent in from my good buddy Jesus (not the savior, the Mexican).

This is Diana, I only know that Diana was found at Dim Mak Studios, She moved to LA from Chicago, She is a photographer but does “whatever” for now… That’s it.

The pic was sent to me at 1:00 AM and the details were limited. A photographer living in LA doing “whatever” for the moment; you can throw a rock in any direction in LA and are bound to hit someone like Diana. I kinda wish I had more details about this lady and could talk about her dreams, ambitions, and general mood that she puts off to the world. But I can’t, I can only mock and try and make a shortsighted joke at her expense.

She looks like this girl I used to go to college with that borrowed my “Waking Life” DVD and never gave it back. Maybe that’s the root of my bitterness. I guess I’ll never know.

I met Kim at a favorite spot of my called “Bigfoot...

calimesajoe — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:18:00 -0800

I met Kim at a favorite spot of my called “Bigfoot West” (try the Old Fashioned, it’s pricey but muy delicioso).

Kim is the lady of my good buddy Andre, and I am happy to say that she is a perfect counterpart to him. She lives in Rancho Cucamonga and was out in Los Angeles to celebrate a friend of a friend’s birthday party or some shit like that.

I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to Kim too much, but she had a contagious energy about her and it was hard to keep a strait face in her presence. We drank whisky, smoked grits, and gossiped about mutual friends.

We ended the evening over a shot of whisky, we hugged each other goodbye, and I walked my drunk ass home.

I once knew a girl named Katie. We worked together years back...

calimesajoe — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:58:54 -0800

I once knew a girl named Katie.

We worked together years back in Costa Mesa. It had been about 3 years since we had last seen each other. Katie and I had both recently relocated to the City of Angels and felt it an appropriate time to rekindle the ol’ friendship. I’m glad I had saved her number over the years.

This pic was taken outside “The Mint”; an awesome little spot for live music. (they will even waive the cover if you’ve never been there) We hung out, watched some leftover hippies from the 60’s play folk music, and exchanged stories for a bit.

Katie is an interesting specimen. She has written and animated a sweet ass coffee table book about stick figures saying poetic, philosophical, and downright hilarious things. Katie is from Orange County and currently works at a popular computer company as a computer tech.

If your fruit inspired computing device ever acts up, you’d be lucky to have her fix it… You’d be even luckier if you can steal a smile from her.

This is Angie. Angie is my roommate. Angie moved in with us a...

calimesajoe — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:26:25 -0800

This is Angie.

Angie is my roommate. Angie moved in with us a couple months ago via random Craigslist searching. When asked about why she chose a house with 4 random dudes, Angie replied, “You guys didn’t seem rape-y..” (this was amazing considering the roommate who’s spot she was taking had a minor freak out when he thought he threw away his LSD during her first tour of the place)

Angie is from Iowa… Nothing much to say about that, but she studied Film at USC and currently works on a cartoon that you’ve all seen. She is a wonderful human being and it witty as fuck.

The bum pictured above occurred at some bar called “Le Chev” or “Le Comison” or something ridiculously. We were decently loose at this point and by last call we had made friends with Andy Dick (who is now sober apparently).

I will bum my grits to this lady anytime, anywhere.

Gregg has three G’s in his name… I know, it’s...

calimesajoe — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:13:04 -0800

Gregg has three G’s in his name…

I know, it’s a little weird but easy to remember which can be a good thing. Gregg is another co-worker of mine; what’s nice about my job is that it surrounds me with creative and inspirational people, but I digress…

Gregg bummed one while we drank one night. This was our first time chillaxin’ outside work and Jameson was on the menu that evening. That being said, Me and Gregg are now the proud owners of www.creeperfeed.com.

Gregg does post production sound and has some radical ideas.

Good times mang… Oh, and great oldies.

This is my friend Darcie, Me and Darcie sometimes bum...

calimesajoe — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 22:51:23 -0800

This is my friend Darcie,

Me and Darcie sometimes bum cigarettes from each other on our 15 minute breaks. Darcie moved to Los Angeles around the same time I did and we immigrated from the same area; we relate on several levels.

Darcie works like a Mexican and she can make someone laugh with nothing more than a well placed smirk. Her desktop background at work is a car being crushed by a monster truck towing an advertisement for bacon.

I’m very glad to have met this lady and our conversations are always good. She can bum a cigarette anytime.

See you at work Darcie.

Oh Tim, This guy has been a staple in my life for the past few...

calimesajoe — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:08:00 -0800

Oh Tim,

This guy has been a staple in my life for the past few years. He is a former roommate of mine from my time spent in Orange County. Tim is quite the character, so much in fact, that I’m writing a cartoon character based on him. I must have 30 quotes scribed in my phone from him.

The best story I have of this guy is from one drunkin’ evening about 3 years ago. Tim fell off a second story balcony whilst trying to pee over the edge. We didn’t find him until the next morning. He was half awake on the pavement with blood on his face. One would think that we would have carted him to the hospital right then and there, but no. Tim refused and went off to work anyway, later realizing he had a decent concussion the entire day.

Did I mention he sells women’s shoes?

Regardless of the shenanigans, Tim is one of the most loyal friends I have ever had. He would do just about anything for his comrades, unless you make fun of his height…

… Then he will just punch a hole in the wall.

Thanks Tim, I’ll see you soon.

These lovely ladies are Tazi and Skylar. We bumped into each...

calimesajoe — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 20:44:29 -0800

These lovely ladies are Tazi and Skylar. We bumped into each other in the Hipster Epicenter of Echo Park at a place called “The Short Stop.”

Skylar (aka the one on the right) approached me in the smoker’s ally at the place and proceeded to shower me in mustache compliments. Needless to say I was set aback quite considerably. I showed off my lack of confidence by explaining the ends are twirled because it’s unfortunately thin, which was immediately countered with “It’s not the size of the mustache, but how you wear it.”

Skylar teaches Yoga and was wonderfully refreshing in so many ways. Her boyfriend quickly joined her side. I expected the standard protective douchebaggery I’ve seen many times before, but to my relief he was just as enjoyable as his counterpart. He told stories of smoking weed with Modest Mouse and we exchanged similar opinions about the status of the band over the years.

Tazi (aka the one on the left) was a little more reserved. She listened a lot more than Skylar but you could tell she was just as pleasant by the softness of her eyes. Tazi short for Anastasia but she prefers the Cliff’s Notes version. She writes and travels and makes commercials.

All three of these people were spectacular strangers. They were smart, and charming, and kind.

Thank you for smoking.

This is Timon. Now I know what you’re thinking and...

calimesajoe — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 00:58:21 -0800

This is Timon. Now I know what you’re thinking and it’s not pronounced similar to that famous Meer Cat from that Bambi-esqe movie about lions. He explained that it was like “Simon” but only with a T.

I still like saying it the other way but I’m sure he hates it so I won’t. Me and Timon talked about nothing but he was extra stoked about taking a picture for a blog about cigarettes.

He seemed like a good dude, I just wasn’t in the mood to chat at that particular moment. I kind of wish I had though. I’m sure I’ll see him again at the smoker’s stoop at the mall.

Timon, if you’re reading this, just know that I’ll be singing “Hakuna Matata” in my head if I ever see you again.

This is Kyle. Kyle associates with Chuli and Big Chu from the...

calimesajoe — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 00:19:07 -0800

This is Kyle.

Kyle associates with Chuli and Big Chu from the previous post. He snuck away when I was taking their picture when he knew damn well he owed me one. Either that or he was just drunk.

I found him later in the bathroom (not in like a weird way, but a life journey way… which sounds weirder then finding someone in the bathroom after I think about it.) So he posed for the picture just ever so reluctantly.

Kyle manages bars/clubs in the LA area I think. Not remembering the details is an unfortunate consequence for being a lazy ass and waiting two weeks to post. From the sound of things Kyle has a nice little network of peoples.

Dude knows people.

Ok. So I meet these guys at some place I’ve never heard...

calimesajoe — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 00:13:34 -0800

Ok. So I meet these guys at some place I’ve never heard of before called “Bar Lubitch.” Sorry for not being in the loop if this is a known spot, I’m new. Anyway,

These fuckin’ guys introduce themselves to me as Chuli and Big Chu. Yep, they even clarified how it’s spelled. By the names, one would think they are the new electro-hiphop duo droppin’ a new album with a featured single about being in some city bitch.

But no, Big Chu (shorter black guy) produces music and Chuli (big white guy) is an actor. I’m slightly positive that they were just fucking with me regarding their names. If I remember correctly they hail from Florida and I don’t know much more than that. They were all around good dudes and I enjoyed their company immensely.

Good luck in your endeavors gentlemen. It was real.

I met Charlie outside some hotel bar place in Santa Monica. I...

calimesajoe — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:43:16 -0700

I met Charlie outside some hotel bar place in Santa Monica. I can’t remember the name of the spot, but it was on the 18th floor and the place was sweet as hell, it reminded me of that bar in “Tron” but only if the twins from the Matrix were managing it. I don’t know if that makes much sense but I’m quite hungover at the moment and I don’t care.

Anyway,

Charlie was friendly and excited about life. We discussed our roles in the big city. Charlie manages DJs and up-and-coming musicians and what not. He explained his role in helping Calvin Harris move up in the world. I didn’t check his sources on this, but it didn’t matter. I enjoyed his company and he hooked me up with a badass King of Limbs remix via CD-R disk.

We exchanged emails, high fived, and went about our lives. My friends insisted that Charlie was a homosexual and was trying to tickle my fundillo. I think they were just jealous.

Sarah is quite the lovely lady. But don’t let the name...

calimesajoe — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 21:45:10 -0700

Sarah is quite the lovely lady. But don’t let the name fool you, thats just her slave name. Her real name was something I don’t remember as I was a little too focused on how well her lips moved with what she was saying. I didn’t even finish my request for a picture before she let down her hair and moved into better lighting for the shot.

Sarah is a second generation Iranian-American. She told me not to worry as she was not one of the hostile ones who deny the holocaust and proclaim Hezbollah and all that shit. (Its a good idea to make peace with the Jews when living in Hollywood, it opens many more doors)

Sarah was slightly worried about a transfer to UCLA, but she was much more concerned about the chance that her parents would stumble across this website.

They don’t know that she smokes

I assured her that based on my site traffic, she was more likely to get struck by lightning then having her addiction exposed through this blog.

Our chat was interrupted by a phone call from the friend she was meeting and with that, I left.

Welcome to the first official user post on CigaretteBum! Sent...

periodbloodexplosion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:28:30 -0700

Welcome to the first official user post on CigaretteBum!

Sent in by tumblr user periodbloodexplosion. I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but I can safely say that this Cigarette Bum is the drunkest on the site to date.

It looks like “Mug Night” got the best of this guy. From the look on the girls face, I’m thinking me and this dude share a love for midnight Del Taco runs, because she is definitely smelling some freshly busted ass.

Thank you periodbloodexplosion for submitting, and thank you for the wonderful picture you’ve painted with your user name.

If you’re reading this, send me an email with the story behind this shot and the location of the pic. eric.aldama@gmail.com

This is Corey. Corey works a Bloomingdales but by the sound of...

calimesajoe — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:24:52 -0700

This is Corey. Corey works a Bloomingdales but by the sound of things, that’s just the day job. He offered me money for a cigarette several times, but I declined. A picture would do. I was on a break from work and I proceeded to eavesdrop on his conversation with a coworker.

They shot the shit for a bit and Corey expressed his intentions to be rich on several occasions. He talks big, appreciates a beautiful woman, and looks like that one guy from that one movie.

I liked Corey. He had an energy rarely found in unsuccessful people. I’m not too worried about him.

I’ll see him again I’m sure, he doesn’t really smoke, but I’m optimistic.

Mo and Dee are Hustlers with a capital “H.” So...

calimesajoe — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 17:25:12 -0700

Mo and Dee are Hustlers with a capital “H.”

So last night me and my friend Chris went to the Rose Bowl for a good ol’ Amurican football game. UCLA vs. Washington State. Chris is currently working on his PhD there so he gets free tickets and doesn’t need a physical one to get in (but at this point he had one), he just needs his ID.

So Dee comes up to us asking if we have an extra ticket. We know where this is going so Chris says “5 bucks” Dee goes and grabs Mo for some change, Mo ain’t got no change so were standing there trying to find 5 dollars change.

Dee, in his super sales abilities, finds a random guy that needs an extra ticket quickly, and sells this “5 dollar ticket” for 25 dollars right in front of us. He gives Chris his five dollars. He then asks me for a cigarette to seal the deal.

We try to charge him 5 dollars for a cigarette, slowly bartering down to 1. He isn’t even down to pay that, so we ask for a photo. We laugh about the entire situation together and they are happy to have their picture taken.

If you’re ever at the Rose Bowl scalping tickets and you buy one from Mo and or Dee, just check the ticket and be sure that it doesn’t say “student ID required”

Your night will end very quickly if you’re not careful.

So Gerald is long for Jerry, who has been on this blog before. ...

calimesajoe — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 22:43:08 -0700

So Gerald is long for Jerry, who has been on this blog before. I really didn’t want to put doubles up, but unfortunately I am poor at the moment and am a bit grounded at home.

So Fuck it I suppose.

Gerald stopped buying packs of cigarettes a couple weeks ago, so I gave him a tube of shredded tobacco I never use. Fucking cattle rustler over here has been John Wayneing it for some time, but tonight he asked me for a “real cigarette.” Of course I couldn’t say no.

We smoked and talked about this “Occupy Wallstreet” deal for a little bit. Then we ate leftover italian.

Sean is a coworker of mine. He bummed a grit for his break, and...

calimesajoe — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 22:04:00 -0700

Sean is a coworker of mine. He bummed a grit for his break, and assured me he would buy a pack and pay me back quickly. I appreciate his offer but, frankly, I don’t care about payback.

Sean only works on Sundays, and he may be the only good thing about having to work that day. Sean is a writer and his other job is to read scripts for a network station. The fact that he is a writer is comforting, because it is what I would like to be.

We shoot ideas back and forth to pass the time. It’s radtastic.

Any cigarette that is mine is yours buddy. (Minus my lucky one)

PS. Sean, if your reading this, just know that I wanted to blur out your nipples but alas, I don’t know how to use Photoshop.

Ben was one of the few people at this BBQ I went to that was...

calimesajoe — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:22:00 -0700

Ben was one of the few people at this BBQ I went to that was very excited to introduce himself. Everyone there was super nice and everything, but Ben… Ben was special.

Not special like Sling Blade, but yeah.

Ben and I were immediately immersed in discourse within moments. He helps run a production studio out here, I was intrigued to say the least and I tried to learn as much as I could in our few minutes.

He recommended me some books, gave me some tips in fording through the Hollywood Bullshit, and shared an iPhone App or two. This guy could be the spokesman for “Evernote.”

Thanks for the pep talk Ben, see you out there.

JB aka John Black aka Black John 5K is one of the most humble...

calimesajoe — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 20:40:48 -0700

JB aka John Black aka Black John 5K is one of the most humble and calmly focused men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

This guy was quick to let me take a picture and even posed like a champ. I had the opportunity to talk to John for a few minutes about the struggles of being an artist in Los Angeles.
It’s a tough and sometimes unfulfilling job, but this is what this man was born to be. John played some tunes around the camp fire that night and it was fucking phenomenal.

It was like Bob Dylan and Curtis Mayfield had a love child, and that love child was delivered by Johnny Cash.

If you have the opportunity to see him perform, don’t hesitate.