Cigarette Bum

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Hazah! Another User Bum. Sent in from my good buddy Jesus (not the savior, the Mexican).

This is Diana, I only know that Diana was found at Dim Mak Studios, She moved to LA from Chicago, She is a photographer but does “whatever” for now… That’s it.

The pic was sent to me at 1:00 AM and the details were limited. A photographer living in LA doing “whatever” for the moment; you can throw a rock in any direction in LA and are bound to hit someone like Diana. I kinda wish I had more details about this lady and could talk about her dreams, ambitions, and general mood that she puts off to the world. But I can’t, I can only mock and try and make a shortsighted joke at her expense.

She looks like this girl I used to go to college with that borrowed my “Waking Life” DVD and never gave it back. Maybe that’s the root of my bitterness. I guess I’ll never know.

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I met Kim at a favorite spot of my called “Bigfoot West” (try the Old Fashioned, it’s pricey but muy delicioso).

Kim is the lady of my good buddy Andre, and I am happy to say that she is a perfect counterpart to him. She lives in Rancho Cucamonga and was out in Los Angeles to celebrate a friend of a friend’s birthday party or some shit like that.

I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to Kim too much, but she had a contagious energy about her and it was hard to keep a strait face in her presence. We drank whisky, smoked grits, and gossiped about mutual friends.

We ended the evening over a shot of whisky, we hugged each other goodbye, and I walked my drunk ass home.

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I once knew a girl named Katie.

We worked together years back in Costa Mesa. It had been about 3 years since we had last seen each other. Katie and I had both recently relocated to the City of Angels and felt it an appropriate time to rekindle the ol’ friendship. I’m glad I had saved her number over the years.

This pic was taken outside “The Mint”; an awesome little spot for live music. (they will even waive the cover if you’ve never been there) We hung out, watched some leftover hippies from the 60’s play folk music, and exchanged stories for a bit.

Katie is an interesting specimen. She has written and animated a sweet ass coffee table book about stick figures saying poetic, philosophical, and downright hilarious things. Katie is from Orange County and currently works at a popular computer company as a computer tech.

If your fruit inspired computing device ever acts up, you’d be lucky to have her fix it… You’d be even luckier if you can steal a smile from her.

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This is Angie.

Angie is my roommate. Angie moved in with us a couple months ago via random Craigslist searching. When asked about why she chose a house with 4 random dudes, Angie replied, “You guys didn’t seem rape-y..” (this was amazing considering the roommate who’s spot she was taking had a minor freak out when he thought he threw away his LSD during her first tour of the place)

Angie is from Iowa… Nothing much to say about that, but she studied Film at USC and currently works on a cartoon that you’ve all seen. She is a wonderful human being and it witty as fuck.

The bum pictured above occurred at some bar called “Le Chev” or “Le Comison” or something ridiculously. We were decently loose at this point and by last call we had made friends with Andy Dick (who is now sober apparently).

I will bum my grits to this lady anytime, anywhere.

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Gregg has three G’s in his name…

I know, it’s a little weird but easy to remember which can be a good thing. Gregg is another co-worker of mine; what’s nice about my job is that it surrounds me with creative and inspirational people, but I digress…

Gregg bummed one while we drank one night. This was our first time chillaxin’ outside work and Jameson was on the menu that evening. That being said, Me and Gregg are now the proud owners of www.creeperfeed.com.

Gregg does post production sound and has some radical ideas.

Good times mang… Oh, and great oldies.

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This is my friend Darcie,

Me and Darcie sometimes bum cigarettes from each other on our 15 minute breaks. Darcie moved to Los Angeles around the same time I did and we immigrated from the same area; we relate on several levels.

Darcie works like a Mexican and she can make someone laugh with nothing more than a well placed smirk. Her desktop background at work is a car being crushed by a monster truck towing an advertisement for bacon.

I’m very glad to have met this lady and our conversations are always good. She can bum a cigarette anytime.

See you at work Darcie.

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Oh Tim,

This guy has been a staple in my life for the past few years. He is a former roommate of mine from my time spent in Orange County. Tim is quite the character, so much in fact, that I’m writing a cartoon character based on him. I must have 30 quotes scribed in my phone from him.

The best story I have of this guy is from one drunkin’ evening about 3 years ago. Tim fell off a second story balcony whilst trying to pee over the edge. We didn’t find him until the next morning. He was half awake on the pavement with blood on his face. One would think that we would have carted him to the hospital right then and there, but no. Tim refused and went off to work anyway, later realizing he had a decent concussion the entire day.

Did I mention he sells women’s shoes?

Regardless of the shenanigans, Tim is one of the most loyal friends I have ever had. He would do just about anything for his comrades, unless you make fun of his height…

… Then he will just punch a hole in the wall.

Thanks Tim, I’ll see you soon.

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These lovely ladies are Tazi and Skylar. We bumped into each other in the Hipster Epicenter of Echo Park at a place called “The Short Stop.”

Skylar (aka the one on the right) approached me in the smoker’s ally at the place and proceeded to shower me in mustache compliments. Needless to say I was set aback quite considerably. I showed off my lack of confidence by explaining the ends are twirled because it’s unfortunately thin, which was immediately countered with “It’s not the size of the mustache, but how you wear it.”

Skylar teaches Yoga and was wonderfully refreshing in so many ways. Her boyfriend quickly joined her side. I expected the standard protective douchebaggery I’ve seen many times before, but to my relief he was just as enjoyable as his counterpart. He told stories of smoking weed with Modest Mouse and we exchanged similar opinions about the status of the band over the years.

Tazi (aka the one on the left) was a little more reserved. She listened a lot more than Skylar but you could tell she was just as pleasant by the softness of her eyes. Tazi short for Anastasia but she prefers the Cliff’s Notes version. She writes and travels and makes commercials.

All three of these people were spectacular strangers. They were smart, and charming, and kind.

Thank you for smoking.

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This is Timon. Now I know what you’re thinking and it’s not pronounced similar to that famous Meer Cat from that Bambi-esqe movie about lions. He explained that it was like “Simon” but only with a T.

I still like saying it the other way but I’m sure he hates it so I won’t. Me and Timon talked about nothing but he was extra stoked about taking a picture for a blog about cigarettes.

He seemed like a good dude, I just wasn’t in the mood to chat at that particular moment. I kind of wish I had though. I’m sure I’ll see him again at the smoker’s stoop at the mall.

Timon, if you’re reading this, just know that I’ll be singing “Hakuna Matata” in my head if I ever see you again.

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This is Kyle.

Kyle associates with Chuli and Big Chu from the previous post. He snuck away when I was taking their picture when he knew damn well he owed me one. Either that or he was just drunk.

I found him later in the bathroom (not in like a weird way, but a life journey way… which sounds weirder then finding someone in the bathroom after I think about it.) So he posed for the picture just ever so reluctantly.

Kyle manages bars/clubs in the LA area I think. Not remembering the details is an unfortunate consequence for being a lazy ass and waiting two weeks to post. From the sound of things Kyle has a nice little network of peoples.

Dude knows people.

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Ok. So I meet these guys at some place I’ve never heard of before called “Bar Lubitch.” Sorry for not being in the loop if this is a known spot, I’m new. Anyway,

These fuckin’ guys introduce themselves to me as Chuli and Big Chu. Yep, they even clarified how it’s spelled. By the names, one would think they are the new electro-hiphop duo droppin’ a new album with a featured single about being in some city bitch.

But no, Big Chu (shorter black guy) produces music and Chuli (big white guy) is an actor. I’m slightly positive that they were just fucking with me regarding their names. If I remember correctly they hail from Florida and I don’t know much more than that. They were all around good dudes and I enjoyed their company immensely.

Good luck in your endeavors gentlemen. It was real.

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I met Charlie outside some hotel bar place in Santa Monica. I can’t remember the name of the spot, but it was on the 18th floor and the place was sweet as hell, it reminded me of that bar in “Tron” but only if the twins from the Matrix were managing it. I don’t know if that makes much sense but I’m quite hungover at the moment and I don’t care.

Anyway,

Charlie was friendly and excited about life. We discussed our roles in the big city. Charlie manages DJs and up-and-coming musicians and what not. He explained his role in helping Calvin Harris move up in the world. I didn’t check his sources on this, but it didn’t matter. I enjoyed his company and he hooked me up with a badass King of Limbs remix via CD-R disk.

We exchanged emails, high fived, and went about our lives. My friends insisted that Charlie was a homosexual and was trying to tickle my fundillo. I think they were just jealous.

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So I had this idea over a hungover breakfast in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco. I've learned over the years that cigarettes bring the most unlikely of people together in conversation over this nasty little addiction we all share.

This is merely a documentation of the individuals I've shared my grits with. May they live long, cancer free lives.

(I understand posting your debtors online cancels out any possible Karma points lending cigarettes might provide. I accept this consequence.)

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